Saturday, April 25, 2020

Peace


Today has been a back and forth day for me. In some moments, I have thought of my sister and smiled, as I remembered her or a time that we shared together. In some moments, I have struggled and it seems that this struggle has intensified as the afternoon has blended into evening and now into night. Usually it's worse for me in the morning. In those first few seconds after I wake up, I often for a couple of seconds, think that perhaps it has all been a bad dream that my sister has passed away. However, reality very quickly sets in and I feel the weight of her passing.

I've been through grief before in my life...my father, my mother and my brother, however, it's like falling back down a hill now. I have evidence from past experience that I have gone through grief and emerged out of the other side...changed just a little, but I have survived. However, I'm starting back at square one again and I can't remember how I got through it before. I guess it's not something that you remember how to do, you just do it with time. All that I remember from times before is that it was hard...very hard.

I am giving myself the chance to feel how I feel because I know that that is the process. I am trying to accept that my sister is at peace now and I am grateful for that.

Peace...

I guess I do remember something from previous times. It's a process of second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day.

Friday, April 24, 2020

Flowers For My Sister



Flowers for my sister Mary...

I will miss you forever, but I know that you will be with me...be with the family always. Thank you for your love, advice, kindness, protection, guidance, example, sacrifice and SO MUCH MORE.

Thank you for all that you taught me and for lighting the way for me as I grew up, all the way from when I was a baby into my adulthood. You were always there, a constant in my life, and I feel a void right now. However, I know that you're not physically here, but you're always with me.

You planted a seed in my life and it continues to grow and it will continue to flourish within me for the rest of my life. I am who I am because of you my sweet sister and I will be forever grateful that you are my sister and that we've had the blessing of experiencing this life together.

I love books and flowers and interesting new food and eclectic things and exploring new places and beautiful things because of you. You gave me a curiosity about life and opened my eyes to so much. I love the beach because I've spent so many times walking on beaches with you, feeling the wind in our face and the sand beneath our bare feet.

Thank you Mary for being such a great big sister, a second mother and my everything. I know that you will be with me with every step that I take, with every tear that I will shed, and you'll be with me in every great moment that I will experience for the rest of my life. I will carry you with me in my heart forever Sis. Thank you for everything...I love you ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ Rest in peace πŸ™πŸ½

Sunday, April 19, 2020

My Sister Mary

I took this photo back in January while I was on a messenger video call with my sister Mary. She stepped outside into the front yard and these tree branches were above her head. I took a screenshot as she lined up the shot. We talked a lot in this way across the 4,200 miles that separated us, but when we talked like this it felt like I was right there with her. I'm glad that we had those talks. I will never forget them.



Our big sister Mary…as my brother Walter said on Facebook…got her wings on Friday. Our hearts are broken because we miss her, but as he mentioned, we have many wonderful memories of her to last throughout our lifetime.

Mary was a daughter, a big sister and an auntie to many and she was a nurse. One of my nieces affectionately called her “Nurse” and it brought Mary great delight because that was who she was…a nurturer always and that is one of the many things that I will remember about her. She was a big sister to William (she is reunited with him and our parents now), Annie, Grace, Geraldine, Walter, and me. As an auntie to our many nieces and nephews, she was their ride to school, nurse, friend and SO much more.

For me, Mary was like a second mother. I can trace so much of who I am today to all that she shared with me as I grew up. When my daddy passed away, I was only twelve. Mary was quite a few years older than me and without missing a beat, she stepped up to stand beside my mom to help raise me. She and Mama together made sure that I had what I needed. Even though my heart is broken, I take some comfort in knowing that I had the chance to thank her for what she did for me while she was still here. Mary, like all of my older brothers and sisters, had a great effect upon me as I watched them all in order to learn how to live.

Mary’s example made me love books…I would see her reading when I was little, and I know that that made me want to be like her and I thank her for that. Mary gave me my first taste of pizza, eclairs, fancy pastry and so many other foods. She was an adventurous eater and that was something that we shared. Mary was my cultural events buddy. One of the highlights was seeing the Alvin Ailey Dance Company with her and my mom one summer evening about sixteen year ago. She also made it possible for the teenage me to see Luther Vandross perform from the 3rd row!!!

Due to the coronavirus, I am not able to go home to be with my family right now and it breaks my heart just that bit more. These times are sad for many who have lost loved ones and cannot mourn them as usual. My sister did not have coronavirus, but I can relate to what many are going through at this time in the history of the world. It’s hard…so very hard.

When I think back on the time that we shared, I realize that a great many of the things that I love now are because she planted the seed in me since the day I was born. I can never thank her enough for her guidance and love throughout my life. I will miss her as all of my family and our friends will. She is not physically here anymore, but the love and memories of her will go on forever.

Thank you Mary, we love you!


Sunday, April 12, 2020