It's Okay to Not Be Okay

This has been a very up and down weekend for me…more down than up, but I’ll be okay eventually. There are a lot of things swirling around my head these days, but the main thing is that I miss my sister Mary.

I’ve debated back and forth with myself and wondered if I should just try to keep stuff like this off my blog and just work it through using my journal, but I feel the need to speak up here. I want to be transparent and not hide it. If nothing else, I want to show that it’s okay to not be okay. I find that denial is not helpful for me. This is real life. 

I will get through this grief, but I know that it has changed me. I have gone through grief before and I know from experience that it’s never a straight line. It just takes its own path. I know that I will get through this eventually, but right now I just wish that my sister were still in this world. It's been two and a half months, and even though I know that she passed away, sometimes I still can't wrap my mind around it. Sometimes I think that I'm processing my grief okay, but sometimes I feel like I'm just spinning my wheels. It's hard...incredibly hard. 

I will learn to live with it eventually, but I will miss her forever…

Flowers For My Sister

Flowers for my sister Mary...

I will miss you forever, but I know that you will be with me...be with the family always. Thank you for your love, advice, kindness, protection, guidance, example, sacrifice and SO MUCH MORE.

Thank you for all that you taught me and for lighting the way for me as I grew up, all the way from when I was a baby into my adulthood. You were always there, a constant in my life, and I feel a void right now. However, I know that you're not physically here, but you're always with me.

You planted a seed in my life and it continues to grow and it will continue to flourish within me for the rest of my life. I am who I am because of you my sweet sister and I will be forever grateful that you are my sister and that we've had the blessing of experiencing this life together.

I love books and flowers and interesting new food and eclectic things and exploring new places and beautiful things because of you. You gave me a curiosity about life and opened my eyes to so much. I love the beach because I've spent so many times walking on beaches with you, feeling the wind in our face and the sand beneath our bare feet.

Thank you Mary for being such a great big sister, a second mother and my everything. I know that you will be with me with every step that I take, with every tear that I will shed, and you'll be with me in every great moment that I will experience for the rest of my life. I will carry you with me in my heart forever Sis. Until we meet again...

Thank you for everything.

I love you ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Rest in peace 🙏🏽

My Sister Mary

I took this photo back in January while I was on a messenger video call with my sister Mary. She stepped outside into the front yard and these tree branches were above her head. I took a screenshot as she lined up the shot. We talked a lot in this way across the 4,200 miles that separated us, but when we talked like this it felt like I was right there with her. I'm glad that we had those talks. I will never forget them.

Our big sister Mary…as my brother Walter said on Facebook…got her wings on Friday. Our hearts are broken because we miss her, but as he mentioned, we have many wonderful memories of her to last throughout our lifetime.

Mary was a daughter, a big sister and an auntie to many and she was a nurse. One of my nieces affectionately called her “Nurse” and it brought Mary great delight because that was who she was…a nurturer always and that is one of the many things that I will remember about her. She was a big sister to William (she is reunited with him and our parents now), Annie, Grace, Geraldine, Walter, and me. As an auntie to our many nieces and nephews, she was their ride to school, nurse, friend and SO much more.

For me, Mary was like a second mother. I can trace so much of who I am today to all that she shared with me as I grew up. When my daddy passed away, I was only twelve. Mary was quite a few years older than me and without missing a beat, she stepped up to stand beside my mom to help raise me. She and Mama together made sure that I had what I needed. Even though my heart is broken, I take some comfort in knowing that I had the chance to thank her for what she did for me while she was still here. Mary, like all of my older brothers and sisters, had a great effect upon me as I watched them all in order to learn how to live.

Mary’s example made me love books…I would see her reading when I was little, and I know that that made me want to be like her and I thank her for that. Mary gave me my first taste of pizza, eclairs, fancy pastry and so many other foods. She was an adventurous eater and that was something that we shared. Mary was my cultural events buddy. One of the highlights was seeing the Alvin Ailey Dance Company with her and my mom one summer evening about sixteen year ago. She also made it possible for the teenage me to see Luther Vandross perform from the 3^rd row!!!

Due to the coronavirus, I am not able to go home to be with my family right now and it breaks my heart just that bit more. These times are sad for many who have lost loved ones and cannot mourn them as usual. My sister did not have coronavirus, but I can relate to what many are going through at this time in the history of the world. It’s hard…so very hard.

When I think back on the time that we shared, I realize that a great many of the things that I love now are because she planted the seed in me since the day I was born. I can never thank her enough for her guidance and love throughout my life. I will miss her as all of my family and our friends will. She is not physically here anymore, but the love and memories of her will go on forever.

Thank you Mary, we love you!

Valentine's Day 2020

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! 

Valentine's Day

Sending lots of love out to everyone.

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Happy Valentine's Day!

Love

Yesterday was my mom's birthday. She's no longer here on Earth, but I know that love never dies. I didn't post about it yesterday because I needed time to be with my thoughts and I didn't know what to say, if anything. Well, I still don't have anything profound to say and I know that I don't have to do that. Put simply though, all that I thought about yesterday and still today is that when it's all said and done in this life, the thing that matters most is...

LOVE

Love Is All Around

I saw the shape of a heart in the sunlight through the trees this morning. 

Love is all around ❤

Happy Friday 😊

Happy Sunday

Happy Friday and Happy Weekend

💚 SPREAD LOVE 💚

Goodbye 2016

Well, another year is coming to an end and it has me in a reflective mood. There have been highs and lows in addition to the middle that holds together day-to-day life. In the end, it's all good :)

A year ago on this very day, I wasn't very well at all, so I'm extremely grateful in this moment to be able to sit here and type these words. I wasn't at death's door or anything, but I was confined to bed. So it's a blessing to be upright!

I have always loved this day...December 31st. I really feel it. It's like teetering on the edge of a cliff and waiting to leap over an invisible line into the next chapter. Forgive me if I'm rambling or if I lose you here, but this day always makes me feel like I'm truly a part of  "Time". I feel a connection with the past and the future at the same time. It also makes me think of my mom. This was the last day that I spent with her in 2005. It's bittersweet, but I relish the fun that we had and I'll carry that with me for the rest of my life :)

Tonight along with everyone else, I'll say goodbye to 2016. I know it's a bit of an understatement, but it's been a helluva year! So many beloved people in our collective popular culture have left us along with those who we may have personally known and loved. I'll tell you something. It's all made me cherish life even more than I did already and it's reminded me to love even more.

Even though I'm no slouch...lol....I'm gonna do my very best to go just a bit harder on top of what's normal for me, in pursuit of what I want in my life. It can't hurt, huh? :) It's not a resolution...I've just gotta do better.

Thank you for visiting me here in 2016. I have more photos, thoughts, updates on my book and things to share, so I hope that you'll come back to see me in 2017!

I wish health, happiness, love, and the best of everything for everyone in 2017!

Happy Easter

HAPPY EASTER

Sending love to all in this season of renewal  :)

Love

This is what I'm concentrating on today and every single day.

 And I send it out to everyone.

Hate will never win!

Sending Love

I just wanted to check in and say that I hope that everyone has a good weekend. 

SENDING

TO ALL

Love

Just wanted to spread some love today!

 

Happy Monday!  :-))

Happy Valentine's Day

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYONE!

I know that we shouldn't just love on one day, and we don't, but I still think it's nice to say it whenever we can and today seemed like one of many good days to do that  ;-)

Also...

 

HAPPY FRIDAY !!!!

Love

Good day to all! :-))

 

 

Beautiful Surprises

I wanted to share this photo that I took the other day. It's as you can see a white feather. It was so beautiful and it was just nestled there in the wild rose bush. It was such a sweet surprise to see it there, right where I could see it from the window. It was in perfect view...not too high, not too low.

I've often heard that a white feather can be the sign of angels who are about. I like that idea :)

Have a great weekend!

Straight From My Heart

Hello all!

I'm still scanning through my pictures from the walk that Brit Boy and I took at the nature reserve, so please bear with me. I didn't realize that I had taken so many pictures until I loaded them onto my computer. The nature reserve was an amazing place and I just kept taking more and more and more pictures. I love taking pictures so my camera is never far away from me :)

I'll be sharing some of the photos in the next couple of days, so please come back for that. It will be more like my posts from the old days of this blog and that's something that I want to get back to. As I've mentioned in a previous post, I've been taking loads of pictures all during the time when I was studying for school and unable to get here to blog. Now I can share them. Some are quite random and some are picturesque. My collection is a regular hodgepodge, but I've always thought that that was the strength of my blog before...the focus on a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Kind of like my philosophy on life :)  It will be nice to get back to what I love again!

So today I will share one of my random pictures. It's a potato that I found in our cupboard the other day. I thought it looked like a heart. What do you think? Of course if you look at it another way it could look like someone's backside. LOL.

I vote for the heart though. What do you see?

 

From my heart to yours...have a wonderful day! :)

Flowers for An Anniversary

Today is our wedding anniversary and over the weekend Brit Boy gave me these beautiful flowers to start the celebration early. They remind me of the flowers that he sent to me on our wedding day! :)

 

Here's to true love!

Nerd Love

This is just a quick post to share something that I love! A little treat that I remember from when I was growing up!

I LOVE NERDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've been enjoying the last few that I have and it has been nostalgic and fun! I hadn't had these in years and then I found some in a sweet shop in London when we were there for the Olympics. Then fast forward to a couple of weeks ago when we were in Bath and yet again I went into an old-fashioned sweet shop and found some. I know that they are nothing but sugar, but who cares...I like them ;-) I don't get treats like this often so when I can I'm very happy. The biggest part of it I think is the nostalgia :-)

As I mentioned, I got these when we were in Bath and I promised to share some photos of Bath here from that trip, so my next post will be about our little trip to Bath...one of my favorite places in all of England!

I hope that you'll come back to check out my photos and my story about what we were up to there. Until next time...