Sunday, April 06, 2008

April Snow & Mom

Today would have been my mom’s birthday. I love that it falls on a Sunday this year, because she loved Sundays. For a while after she died I disliked Sundays because she died on a Sunday. It hurt so much that I just couldn’t face the day somehow. But I am coming to know bit by bit that time does heal, because last year on her birthday I was sad. I was wishing that I could call her and wish her a happy birthday. But something has shifted within me, without me even noticing very much. She has been gone a bit over two years now and there is something settling within me. I will never ever forget her, but it seems that I have been unconsciously creating a place within my heart just for her slowly, bit by bit. So today, on this Sunday, I rejoice in the fact that this was her favorite day of the week, and that her birthday falls on this day this year. I am getting to the point now where I am seeing the beauty of the fact that she lived and not concentrating on when she died. To have lived is a joyous thing and I saw how much she meant to the world she left behind when we had her funeral. So I am proud that she was my mother. My mom was a sunny person, no matter the circumstances, even though she was like many and had some hard times in her life. She had that something within that just wouldn’t be beaten. The outside world couldn’t take away her smile or her good attitude. That is how I want to be one day. I have read many things that tell how to be like that, and yet, my mom was that way and didn’t get it from a self-help book. (smile) So with the sun shining today, on this Sunday that she loved, I think of her smile and remember how she lived.

It’s funny, even though it is a sunny day outside right now, we actually woke up to snow this morning. They had forecast it, but as we all know, sometimes they get it right and sometimes they miss it by a mile. We were forecast to have snow recently and it didn’t materialize. It’s just how it goes. Yet today the snow arrived. When I looked outside, there were beautiful fluffy white flakes of snow all over the grass and flowers. The roads were clear though. It was gorgeous. Bit by bit the snow has melted and the sun has been shining very beautifully today. All of the snow is virtually gone now, except for some shaded areas in our back garden. I will post a picture of what it looked like nestled on top of my almost open tulip. The snow was nestled just so on the tip of the slightly open tulip. It made me smile when I saw it. My mom was a keen gardener and I always tell Brit Boy that she would first laugh and then be proud that I seem to have a way with flowers. I always thought before that there was no way I had inherited her green thumb, but now I think possibly narrowly maybe. (smile) The jury is still out on that one. But I was so proud that the tulip bulbs that I planted in the dead of the cold English winter, have indeed come to life. I used to kill every plant I had before, but something has changed. I don’t know what. (shrug) Anyway, I smiled this morning when I saw the tulip with snow because it was like a wink from my mom. It was like “happy birthday mom…happy Sunday…and hey look at the snow in springtime” that I was sharing with my mom for that brief moment. So I think I have passed another tiny milestone in how I feel about my mother passing on. Deep down, I know that she is okay and I will be too. Happy Birthday Mom!

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